All Day Seduction

We had a conversation yesterday about me needing seduction, for real.  Because of where we are sexually, most days I don’t have a large need for seduction a lot.  Don’t get me wrong, in a lot of little choices, hubby does seduce me daily.  That being said, yesterday I needed more.  Fortunately, we have talked about all of this so hubby knows what that looks like for me.  There is a famous book called Sex Begins In the Kitchen that many pastors use to teach our men to “be nice to the girl” (stolen from Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, Mark Gungor).  I’ve heard hubby tell men that for years as they are wondering why it is that their wife won’t have sex with them or she is less than enthused when she does. Because of this challenge, I am dependent on hubby not only being nice to me (which is more often than not), but choosing to seduce me throughout the day.  I’m a girl, I need that for motivation and to bring my mind back to him.

What does that look like for me?  It begins in the morning, hubby is up before me so, he makes coffee.  When I awaken, I start reading in my YouVersion and the notifications let him know I’m awake.  Many days, he brings me a cup of coffee and says good morning. Yes, I can get my own coffee, but how cool is it that he seduces me in that way?  Before he leaves for work, he prays with me and kisses me!  I really love mornings.  Throughout the day, hubby sends me texts and emails letting me know he’s thinking of me and sometimes what he wants me to look forward to that night.  Those little gestures lead me to a deeper thought life regarding our sex life.  As a woman, my mind doesn’t jump much to sex throughout the day without help from hubby.  I’ve spoken with a lot of women that would agree that is true.  I am so grateful to have a husband that gets that, and I pray through our blog, men will learn some of hubby’s secrets to success at seducing our hearts.

Probably the biggest difference in hubby and I in the bedroom is the heart part.  Through many discussions I’ve discovered that it doesn’t take much for a man, they are visual and they typically like what they see visually with the wife they chose.  One of the best things hubby said made him so wired for me is that I am fulfilling one of my core desires to have a beauty my own to unveil.  When I offer myself, unveiled, freely, and without shame, his eyes say it all!  That was not an easy thing for a me!  In summer 2013, during our 30 day bible study, I started offering my vulnerability to hubby physically and emotionally, it was one of my best choices to date.  I didn’t like my body, I know my scars, I know my imperfections and they aren’t the world’s idea of beautiful.  Hubby says he doesn’t really see any imperfections, especially in the heat of passion!  They are there, the scars, the excess stuff, the imperfections and I decided that year to embrace who God made me with my husband and I will encourage EVERY woman to do the same.  To have your man appreciate you with his eyes is a gift that the enemy is out to steal, I won’t let him into that place in our marriage anymore,  WE are worth more!  Because of my offer, hubby seduces me and I am truly a highly blessed and highly favored woman.

Crazy Week

The last week has been crazy – with a couple of milestones:

1. Last weekend we celebrated 25 years of marriage with a huge party and renewing our vows.  (We will post those vows next week!)  Tons of family and friends and it was awesome – and by the end of the weekend we were both elated. . . and exhausted.
2. On Monday we completed our first 30 days of The Challenge.  It is hard to believe that if we were only doing 30 days this time, we would be finished.  March was so crazy with other events, I am so glad that we have more time!

As April begins and other events in our life have passed, I’m really excited about what God will do with the next 30 days.  I’m anticipating more communication, more intimacy, and more sex with my hot, sexy bride.  

And maybe I’ll have more time to write on the blog, too – which I actually enjoy more than I thought I would!

Proverbs 31:10-12 (NLT)

A Wife of Noble Character

¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
    She is more precious than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband can trust her,
    and she will greatly enrich his life.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.

Breathe…

This past weekend was incredible!!  Firstly, I apologize for the length of this post, it was an eventful weekend and I’m so excited to share it with you.  Please know that I cut out most of the fluff so I’m praying you somewhat can experience it with us!  When we planned our vow renewal, we had no idea it was on Easter weekend, since when does it come in March??  Being a holiday weekend that many travel, I am so grateful for all the couples that got to come and celebrate with us Saturday, thank you.  We held our event at The Ambassador Hotel in midtown, thank you Jesse Krewall, Roger, Vicki, Mike and everyone that aided in our wedding going off without a single hitch!!

The day began beautifully as hubby made us coffee and then returned to bed for us to complete our morning routine of coffee, bible time and prayer, then we hit the ground running!  It. Was. Fun!  I was so excited when each of the girls showed up and finally my bestie, D, for us to get it all together and get beautified by Sasha Dinkins of Eve & LuLu D’s salon in Edmond…she’s fabulous!  While the girls were in the hot seat, D and I got to check out the room upstairs and spent some time out on the balcony in the sun.  Thanks D, for getting me to slow down and breathe!  It was a great opportunity to hear God say…Breathe.  The song above says, “chaos calls and all you really need is just to breathe” and our favorite line, “lay down what’s good and find what’s best”, that is so powerful to me.  In the season of life I’m in, God is telling me to breathe and be, while laying down some good to find what is best.  This weekend was exactly that…best.

Hubby and I walked in to the room hand in hand, toward Robert Huckleberry of Grace Given Ministries, to the tune Hallelujah by The Beatles, to commit the remainder of our lives to one another and God.  I felt like the 21 year old bride that married Matt Ford the first time! only, this time I know I’m in for the ride of my life!  After the prayer, Robert started the Unity Cross, I had never seen one until two weeks ago and it was perfect for our ceremony.  It’s a cross made of pieces that represent a man’s strength, a woman’s beauty and the trinity that combines us all together, I recommend it for all wedding ceremonies!  Following that, he spoke a bit and then invited us to share our vows with one another.  (I wrote mine that morning, I kept asking God what we wanted to say to hubby and I knew I would only be able to do that right if I did it that day.)  We will share our vows in another post, together.  I will tell you that neither of our vows could have been more perfect, with no conversation of how to write them in advance.  I love it when God shows up and shows off like that!!

Following our vows and prayer, hubby kissed me with such intensity that I felt it in my toes!  I’m so grateful to share my life with a man that believes I am absolutely fabulous and gorgeous, that is a blessing!  There is a scripture that tells men to “rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Prov 5:18), I am so grateful that I am the wife of Matt Ford’s youth and seeing him rejoice in me, what a bonus!  Thank you hubby for taking that so literally ;-).  Then our first dance began, we didn’t use the one from our first wedding, someone cut into my first dance with hubby and I didn’t know how to say NO, so I wanted a new song.  We chose God Gave Me You by Dave Barnes this time around, we were a hoot because the thing we didn’t get to was dance practice!  It was fun and memorable because we laughed through so much of it.  Hubby was embarrassed and wanted others to join us on the floor.  My step dad was there, I thought how cool it would have been for he and mom to dance at our 25th, we used to love watching them dance.

After circling the room and saying hello, my step dad, Bill Buffington, gave a great toast.  I chose him for the toast because in our list of guests, he was there from the beginning and because he slept with my mom, I figured he knew the most about us.  He’s a great man, thank you Buff (Bill).  His son, Craig Buffington, Buff of The Twister radio station, did our dj’ing for us, DJ Pro Oklahoma, and ran the show because he had the microphone ;-), it was great and so much fun!  Along with dancing and toasting and loving on friends, we got to cut the cake again and this time, I did it right!  Hubby said he thought he could have cake in his sinus cavity, oops, maybe it was a bit too right.  For anyone reading this, concerned for hubby, my face didn’t look much better, at least we agreed to no icing before we began!

The party was wonderful, I don’t think I would have changed anything.  Afterward, hubby and I celebrated alone, in our hotel room.  We talked about it in advance and realized that we would be super tired later so we planned a break before dinner with friends.  Although exhausted, there was a special quality to our love making that day, a purity of desire for one another with unquenchable thirst.  After the commitments that we made to one another and our future adventure together, intercourse was the seal.  I pray anyone reading this finds that in their spouse and God, it is truly an incredible place to be at this moment in life.  We met our friends for dinner and spent time laughing and enjoying the remainder of a beautiful night and it was perfect for me.

Looking back over the past 25 years with hubby, we’ve gone through so many things together.  We were barely adults when we said I do.  There is his story, my story, and then quickly we added kids to our story.  We were kids raising kids and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  We grew up together.  We have memories together.  We made choices together.  I wanted a man that wanted me, with all of my brokenness and Matt Ford, you sir are that man.  You know all my yuck and picked me again, thank you for your love and devotion hubby.  I will love you forever.

Wedding Day!!!

I am so excited!  In case the exclamation marks left you with any wonder.  Today we will be getting married…again!!!  This has been a source of my hope for the past six months and today, we are here!  Six months ago, in the midst my health storm, we started visiting about this year, our 25th year, and decided to get married again.  I remember telling hubby that setting the date would be a great source of hope for me in my discouraging circumstances and it has been.  My parents got a divorce at 25 years, my mom was starting over at my age and it was tough.  I knew the day I married Matt that I truly longed to love him more at 25 years and I can say today, SUCCESS!!!

If you are celebrating today with us, thank you!  I will post pictures on here as we get some from you, please email any you get on your phones! For those reading, enjoy the pics and we will both share more later!  Have a great weekend, we will ;-)!

Fig Leaves

“…they suddenly felt shame…so they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves… they hid themselves from the Lord God among the trees…” Genesis 3:7-8 NLT

As we are going through this challenge I am starting to see that the elaborate personality (fig leaf) that I created to hide from the world is becoming less and less efficient at surviving in this marriage.  What is required of me now is to offer love that I am unable to offer if I hide.  And this hiding also hinders me from receiving Chandra’s love!  

God created me in His image, which means I was intended to reflect His glory.  But something happened to me – each of us, actually – which caused me to realize, true or not, that there is something wrong with me – the me that God created to reflect His image.  So I constructed the fig leaf.  

This season is about recognizing and disentangling myself from the elaborate fig leaf so I can restore the true self that God created me to be. And the first step for me, in this challenge specifically, is to practice courage by not being passive. Which means I have to begin seducing my wife early in the day – telling her how beautiful she is first thing in the morning; sending her little texts throughout the day; reminding her how much I adore her.  Being intentional with these little things shows her that I am committed to this process, which somehow works in her to draw her closer to me emotionally and physically.  

Why do I say this is practicing courage?  Because my go to response is to hide behind my fig leaf and not offer myself out of fear of rejection. (Isn’t that one of our greatest fears, guys?  For women it’s fear of abandonment, for us it’s fear of rejection.) The enemy wants me to be afraid, and not offer my self – that part of me that gives and receives love.  I can put on an act that makes it look like we are in love, but the only way to get to where I want to be is to drop the act, and be vulnerable – risk rejection, hurt, whatever. The days that I risk, with God’s help, usually turn out to be great, and still I can’t seem to do it every day.  

The days I screw up and hide, the only thing I can do is repent – to God and to my wife – and vow to do better the next day.  With God’s help I am growing and getting better – I know I am.  I feel stronger when I am living out of my true self, and God is taking me there one step at a time.

 

Surprises and Fantasies

I prayed about this post a few days. I wasn’t sure where God wanted me to be open and where it is crossing lines that I do not want to do!  It’s taken since Sunday to decide that line with God and still, I know that ridicule is inevitable when talking about sex.  It’s part of this journey that Dad has us on, along with the commitment to share it online, that is constantly going to be in the forefront of my mind.  My mom and I were close and yet, I shared very little about my sex life with her while she was here with me.  Although before marriage hubby and I were made new with God and one another, I still had shame for my past for many years.  That shame hindered my ability to have a true intimacy with anyone, getting that close is super scary!  As I’ve mentioned, it’s taboo to talk about sex and the truth is this…we NEED to be talking about it.  Those that tend to combat this mission we’re on, I’ve found, usually have some shame they are dealing with in their sex life.  I get it.  I didn’t talk about it either until I realized the healing that comes from talking about it, and I want healing for us all.  Here is the story of hubby’s surprise…

Saturday night, hubby and I agreed that he would go to a hotel and take a night with Dad and I would do things I need to do to ready us for our vow renewals on Saturday.  I realize that I get so much more Treasure Time with Dad than he does and I pray I will always champion his relationship and encourage time with God.  I remembered years ago talking about fantasies with hubby and gratefully, Dad gave me the memory to recall one of his.  We agreed I’d come to the hotel that evening to take care of day 21.  I began getting ready for him two hours prior, showering, shaving, the works.  An hour later, I had my outfit selected (only worn once because I’ve lost weight and it’s big), it was one he really liked and included red thigh highs.  I don’t know about other women, I haven’t asked either, but to me thigh highs are not super flattering on me.  That’s my opinion in the mirror anyway.  I have excess skin and stretch marks and dangit, I don’t see a lot of pretty when I wear them.  That being said, when I watch hubby’s face when HE sees them on me and well, it makes it worth overlooking my opinion.  I don’t wear a lot of heels because my toes have been fused and it is a painful experience for me.  Hubby being a chiropractor helps my case because he knows the damage heels do.  Saturday night, those things were unimportant so I wore heels, constantly praying in the Spirit asking the angels to keep me on my feet and not look foolish.  I told you that the hose were red, rather loud red, and the good height heels were black. To someone as sheltered as I feel, a little “lady of the night” looking.  About 30 minutes later, I was ready!  I didn’t look bad even if it was my own opinion, actually, I looked great and knew hubby would be excited!

I climbed into the car, 15 minutes later, I arrived at the hotel with time to spare.  I parked right up front so my “heel walk” would be successful only, that also gave me a view of all the families and guests that were arriving…at the same time I was!  What I haven’t told you yet is that I had on my thigh highs and lingerie and the only thing between my sexiness and the world was a long winter coat!  I sat there thinking about all the people in the very small lobby.  I thought about the red hose and black shoes.  I prayed.  A LOT.  I said, “Dad, please, if people recognize the hose and shoes and think I’m a call girl, will you please let them see my wedding ring and not my face?”.  After ten minutes of mustering courage, I got out of the car, fixed my purse and water to where I was able to hold the coat closed (no buttons), closed my eyes to beg Dad for success again, and I began the walk.  Once inside, I immediately located the elevator with my eyes, I walked slowly and carefully, looking directly at the elevator.  In my peripheral vision I could see at least 15 people and it felt like all eyes were on me…my red hose and black shoes!  I continued praying in my head and quickly got to the elevator.  I pushed the button.  I only had to wait on the elevator to get to success.  It was the LONGEST elevator wait EVER!!  I am sure of it!!  Ok, so maybe it just felt like it was.  I was so uncomfortable but God continued to remind me of the prize.  And the prize, fulfilling one of hubby’s early manhood fantasies that, I believe he might have even forgotten about it, I hadn’t.  By the time I got to his room, the only thing I was thinking about was what a great time we would have.. tonight and that my courage was worth it.  I found his room number, got close to the door, opened my coat and knocked.  The remainder of the two hours we planned together were filled with…intimacy.  I’m so grateful God gave us this Treasure Time to share with him, together.  And I was correct, hubby was excited.

Facing my fear and doing it anyway usually pays off with hubby.  He loves me exactly the way I am and I am sure he prays for growth.  I want him to see into me.  I pledge to offer myself to him.  Fully.  In the bedroom and out because he deserves all of me.  He deserves the best of me.

A Surprise

Saturday night I took some time alone at a hotel so I could read, write, study, pray and just breathe. If I were trying to do that at home I would be distracted by lawn work, chores, and other unfinished projects, so Chandra encouraged me to get away for some me time! (Maybe she needed some time alone, too??)

Because of our challenge, we agreed she could come over to the hotel later in the evening to “play”.  She showed up at my room wearing a very sexy outfit under a long coat, and it made for very exciting surprise – we ALWAYS love hotel time.  I think hotel sex is exciting for just about every couple we know!

I highly recommend it.

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.

Rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Prov. 5:18

Damn Those Phone Calls!

You know the phone calls, the ones that blindside you from fifty different directions???  I got one of those on Monday morning.  Time stopped.  I was lost.  I don’t believe any phone call I have ever received has impacted me so greatly and so sadly because, I have no control.  I cannot change anything that has happened and it is awful.  God began to show me that satan has been after our family from before our family was ONE.  I’ve spent two days in a daze.  Living out my days with every ounce of strength inside of me because outside is broken.  That phone call is going to lead into more honesty that I don’t know how to brace for with Dad.  I’m going through a roller coaster of emotions, they don’t even make sense to me and I’m experiencing them.  I will begin to cry without a moment’s notice that it’s coming.  For Monday, I was requested to hold the news from hubby for a minute, I can tell you that must be the hardest thing God has ever asked me to do.  I tell him EVERYTHING and this was one that I needed his strength, I thought.  God gave me the strength to let him know about the tears and what I needed from him that day to help me while I was unable to give him the burden.  He complied so beautifully.  I know that was difficult for him to not know, I also know it would have been a distraction.  One I believed God said, “let me carry your burdens with you sweetheart, we have this…”.  He did, I was weak, the weakest I may have been since my mom died, He carried me to 10:30 Monday night when I shared the burden with hubby too.

Since that night, my perspective of so many things have grown.  Something I was thinking about on Monday when I wrote my blog that seemed so huge in this larger story, it became quite small.  Pride, arrogance, rudeness, being right, all those things, they really have no place here.  My brother said one time that we accept it when people tell us a story about why someone that is suffering at the hands of another, why they don’t deserve it.  I’ve thought about that a lot.  Do we deserve these things? Do we? Have we, in our minds where Jesus said the sin begins done things to others that might cause me to deserve this? I say no.  I say no.  I say we live in a broken world.  People, people, a lot of times, do not choose Jesus.  They are not yet my brothers and sisters.  They are not.  They will not yet live in eternity with me, how do I love them?  And do they deserve bad things to happen to them? I mean, they aren’t choosing God and He showed the Israelites many times in the Old Testament what He thinks of those that don’t choose Him.  He not only kills them along the way, but the ones He freed from Egypt never even got to enter the Promised Land because of their hearts.  I’m thinking of this today because in my head, vengeance is being thought about, not for long, thank God He has trained me to capture those thoughts! Keep my heart clean oh Lord!

Hubby and I are leaning on each other for a minute as we brace for more.  God did a great thing in this challenge for this week too, He kept us close.  When everything inside of me wanted to abandon the process, I realized that this was the best part of the process and I was processed up on Sunday with hubby to withstand Monday.  We spent most of Sunday in bed, well not most but lots of hours, I am so grateful!  The renewal of our relationship so physically manifesting, the strength in our ONEness is growing just like 2013’s challenge. We’re more mature in Christ, we’ve suffered ANOTHER year of health issues, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we grown together and we are able to handle this too, together.  If you are considering a 10, 20, 30 or more day challenge in your marriage, I would encourage and champion you there, it is a gift and it has to be fought for, and it is worth it.  I am standing once again today on my favorite promise thus far…

And we know that in all things GOD works for the GOOD of those who LOVE Him, who have been called according to His purpose.     Romans 8:28

I know that I love God and this does not look good for a moment.  I know that God is for me so there isn’t anyone in this world or another that can permanently harm me because I am called according to Dad’s purpose for me and right now, this is my story.  I’m sharing my story for restoration in this world for women and marriages because I HATE divorce!  So, when I am feeling pain, this part makes up that story.  Today, I will continue our challenge.  That is the best part of my day, every day.

I am willing

When we began talking about this challenge, and I thought about sharing my thoughts on this blog, I was hesitant. I have never really written ANYTHING! And I am very critical of myself, always worried about what people are thinking.  And because of my fear of disappointing people, I tend to hide behind a false self I created that everyone will like. And when I hide, I kill the intimacy in my marriage. And during a 224-day sex challenge, that doesn’t work very well!

God and I are working on this, and He led me to a great book on developing intimacy written by Donald Miller, Scary Close: “The whole experience makes me wonder if the time we spend trying to become somebody people will love isn’t wasted because the most powerful, most attractive person we can be is who we already are...”  Wow – I’ve spent most of my life trying to become somebody people will love instead of becoming the man God intended me to be when he knit me together in my mother’s womb.

All the arguments we have had since this challenge began go back to that – I’m scared to offer my true self to my wife, who loves me more than anyone else in this world! So this week, after the Restoration Conference last weekend, many more hours of discussion of her needs, and an evening alone in prayer and meditation, I vowed to myself to be willing to be the most powerful, most attractive person I can be – by being ME.

I am willing to sound dumb.

I am willing to be wrong.

I am willing to be passionate about something that isn’t perceived as cool.

I am willing to express a theory.

I am willing to admit I’m afraid.

I’m willing to contradict something I’ve said before.

I’m willing to have a knee-jerk reaction, even a wrong one.

I’m willing to apologize.

I’m perfectly willing to be perfectly human. (From Scary Close, by Donald Miller)

We are on Day 15, and I AM WILLING to offer my true self to my wife for every day of this 224-day challenge, and for the rest of my life!

 

A Day of Rest

We finally are heading in a healthy direction I believe, I don’t look at those seasons lightly anymore.  Friday was a fun but hard day for a bit.  I’ve gone back to work with hubby part time (it was full time before last years health struggles began) and was at work, something that we had miscommunication about led to me feeling hurt.  When it happened, I am grateful to say that my words were much fewer than they have been lately and Matt stood firm on his decision and I know what that means.  I’m heard, opinions considered, and the decision is still hubby’s.  Ugh, I hate that some days.  I could decide I wasn’t really heard because that would mean he would have changed his opinion but no, that rarely works anyway and I’m not looking for reasons to hate him today.  So, I chose to use as few words as possible and hid in the back office to think and not speak.  (I want to say on really big fit days, I’ve been known to leave altogether and that doesn’t bode well for that evening either.)  We went to do our shopping after work and began to slowly unravel each other’s opinions of the “thing”, I knew dinner out may not look good so we decided he’d bring dinner home and I would go straight home.  I’m so grateful that we separated!!  I needed time to come home to my war room and fight for this weekend and fight I did.  I wanted to see why what he did would work.  I wanted to trust him and in this regard, I don’t.  I want to, I really want to.  I needed to take that to God.  That isn’t about him anyway, it’s about me and God, do I trust Him?

Thank God I came home alone!  By the time hubby was home I had sent him a message that I was going to trust him, I choose to trust him and if he wanted the reasons I’d share.  It doesn’t really matter if the past doesn’t look promising, it matters to me what I see God doing in his heart and it is beautiful!  God gently reminded me of the areas that he has gotten to watch me grow AND watch me fail.  Our relationship with each other and with God is in a flourishing season, partly because we answered the call to do our challenge and partly because we are daily seeking more.  We want more of Jesus and less of ourselves.  We’ve laid it all down for the sake of our purpose and calling and I know it gets messy.  We sometimes call it a beautiful mess.

Because we got our time with God, our weekend has been incredible!  I cannot tell you how much it meant to hubby that I was choosing to trust in an area that he’s growing in today and so I trust.  I trust God, He is the one that has the best outcome in mind and whatever it looks like, it will have freedom in it.  Our future looks super bright and we are being “perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment” (1 Cor 1:10).  This is part of a prayer I pray for hubby consistently.  When at Captivating in 2014, I got to meet the prayer team lead couple.  They were a truly wonderful couple and seemed to work well together and were definitely in true love with each other and God.  One day when I met with them, the husband shared a secret of that love with me, he said “I wouldn’t be sitting here today just a few years ago”.  Curious of the answer I asked him why that was?  He said, “my wife began reading The Power of a Praying Wife and I’m gratefully here today”. It may not have been exactly those words but that is what I heard.  I bought the book by Stormie Omartian but didn’t start praying them over hubby then, I was still hurting too much and didn’t really know if it would work.  I know, I had a husband tell me it did but I hadn’t heard the story so I doubted (grimace face).  I began to read the book and pray the prayers about six months ago and have increased the amount of time devoted gradually.  This I can say has been true for me, Matt Ford is becoming the man I married once again and…It. Is. Good.  I see adventure in our future like we dreamed together in college and I’m beginning to believe it will come true.

Thank you Matt Ford for heeding the call of God in our lives, you truly lead me to more and for today, I haven’t hated you at all today;).  Thanks for a great weekend and this time apart today to spend time catching up and with Dad!xoxoxo(I know, I know, wait for tonight, hubba, hubba)