OK, first let me say this post is a little late coming. The enemy has kept me distracted and in chaos for the last few weeks, but I have been meaning to ask you GUYS this question… What is wrong with you? Don’t you enjoy having sex with your wives? Then why wouldn’t you want her to enjoy it so she would want more???
In my wife’s post a few weeks ago, Sexual Desire, she asked if I would speak to you MEN about this problem, which is apparently prevalent in our culture. In talking to some wives we have heard that their husbands play the Bible card and basically bully them into having sex with them, which lasts just a few minutes and leaves the husband fulfilled and her feeling, shall we say, underwhelmed and unfulfilled. Then there are other husbands who could care less about having sex at all!! (I still don’t fully understand this one.)
Here are some tips I have gleaned over the years:
- My wife is NOT a microwave. It takes her WAY longer to become aroused than me.
- My wife is NOT visual near as much as she is VERBAL. I have to TALK to her if I want her to become aroused. That includes LISTENING WELL.
- My wife likes it when I am CLEAN and SMELL GOOD.
- My wife likes it when I DATE HER – often! (at least twice a month)
- And finally, my wife ENJOYS SEX as much as I do – and when I say SEX, I mean ORGASM!!! (and they can have MULTIPLE ORGASMS, if it’s done right!)
If she is not having an ORGASM, is it really sex? Would you enjoy it if you didn’t have an orgasm? Here is what another woman has to say about it:
It isn’t any blasted fun. Yikes. There it is. The elephant in the room. Women are more likely to want to have sex when an orgasm is involved and too often, it is not. For reasons unknown, the female orgasm has been shrouded in a cloak of mystery and unattainability. (In case you were wondering, the cloak is made of polyester and really doesn’t breathe well.) I have to lay the blame for the perpetuation of this myth at the feet of men. I believe the accepted reasoning goes something like this: “Female sexuality is very different from male sexuality therefore the workings behind it must be impenetrable.” (IMPENETRABLE! I am sorry. I couldn’t help myself.)
This, of course, is not true.
I had a professor that once gave the perfect description of the differences between the two sexes, ahem, “get up and go”. He said male sexual arousal and orgasm was like turning on a light. Locate the switch, turn it on, and let there be light. Mr. Professor then said female sexual arousal and orgasm was more like flying a plane. Once you get in the cock pit you have to flip switches and buttons in the right sequence in order to prepare for takeoff. The process is slightly more involved and yes, you have to get a feel for it. But once you do… holy cow, the sky is the limit. (Oh my gosh, I hope my Dad stopped reading two paragraphs ago.)
Don’t be intimidated. At any given moment most men can explain the rules behind the BCS, know what is happening under the hood of their favorite car and quote stats from sports people only care about when the Olympics comes around. You guys are capable of processing information and applying it in life. That is the only skill needed here. No magic involved. Educate yourself. Read a few books. Ask her questions. Women have been having orgasms since, you know, there were women. The how to’s are not a secret. Don’t be embarrassed. There is nothing cringe inducing about making your wife and her needs a priority. You are learning together and my goodness, could you ask for a better lesson plan? Practice makes perfect. I hate to say it. But to get good at sex you need to have a lot of sex. I know, such a burden.
Hello again, sir. How are you doing? Did I say orgasm too many times? I am so sorry.
Alright, so maybe you haven’t been at the top of your game the past few hours, days, weeks, months or, ahem, years. One of the purest joys of life is our ability to change for the better. Start now. Leave the TV off, take a break from the video games and postpone that camping trip. You have work to do and what a great work it is.
And my goodness, isn’t she worth it? Hell, yes.
Men, here is my challenge to you for this weekend: Talk to your wife, take her on a date, then take her to bed and give her the gift of an ORGASM. Or at least take the time try to get her there, and she will thank you for it! And practice, practice, practice. It’s fun!
from Song of Solomon 4 in The Message:
16 Wake up, North Wind,
get moving, South Wind!
Breathe on my garden,
fill the air with spice fragrance.
Oh, let my lover enter his garden!
Yes, let him eat the fine, ripe fruits.