Naked Beauty ❤️

“The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.”‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:3-4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

These verses are tricky for some people, I know they used to be for me. This morning in our hotel room we were lying in one another’s arms, enjoying our nakedness, when I began thinking about offering beauty. I do have to fully admit that I didn’t used to offer my beauty to hubby, I didn’t think I had beauty to offer. As I got deeper in conversation with God about it, the above verses came to mind. 

Believe me, I’ve heard of many women being abused by husbands using that scripture to get whatever they want in the bedroom. It’s so sad that we live in a world where a man bullies his wife rather than loving well, he obviously isn’t “earning” that from his wife by loving her as Jesus loves the church. 

Enough on that, I pray everyone reading this is safe in that area today. As far as offering my beauty, it has become a “turn-on” to me when I walk around naked, when hubby makes noises of approval as I pass by, or grabs a part of my body with a sound of longing come from his throat. I do have a mirror, I do know I’m not the sexiest 46 year old available. 30 or more scars are not the description of beauty for most, neither are deflated boobs that ensue because of extreme weight loss. I see my wrinkles, extra skin, and stretch marks. I know what this world has left my body looking like. THAT reason, that one, because I see it in the mirror, that is why I have to offer my beauty to hubby. When I watch his face as he looks at me each time with such a desperate desire to enjoy my beauty, that changes my vision. Truth is not in what I think about myself or see in the mirror, truth is in the eye of the beholder. 

Sex today is so incredible. We’re not playing around with TheChallenge, it would be incredibly difficult to have made it two months, much less eight, if we weren’t having a REALLY good time in the bedroom. It’s not great every day, but it’s great 80% of the time and I’ll take it! Offering my beauty to hubby, letting him explore, me exploring him, I believe that is a major part of our design. The enemy has stolen that with mirrors and lies. 

My mom always told me “if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing well and to the best of your ability”, I believe that. We’ve decided sex is definitely worth doing, so we’ll give it our best and learn to do it well. After all, isn’t it the best physical feeling your body has ever had?

Post Orgasm

This IS a sex blog after all! This week has been a good week, not an easy week – a good week. I don’t think easy always equates to good. Tonight we are at a hotel for a friend’s birthday party, thankfully because it may end late, we have already enjoyed and ravaged one another’s bodies and we are getting ready for a fun night!  Last night we had a really fun night at a bon voyage party for our oldest, we had a party at our house and it was a night of beautiful memories.  Tonight will be a different kind of fun, we don’t know many that will be here, but we have each other and our youngest to enjoy so it will definitely be fun.

After the great “session” this afternoon, I began thinking about how odd I think hubby is after some really good and intimate sex.  He is such a task oriented man, that isn’t all bad  because it really comes in handy most of the time.  After sex, after him having an orgasm, he’s explained to me that there is a major drop in hormones so he is gone pretty quickly in his mind.  He has gotten so much better over the years, it used to be almost immediate and there was rarely a kiss once the orgasm was finished.  Today, hubby stays with me for a minute, not literally a minute, it’s more like until he senses that I am loved well.  I’ve explained to him that following an orgasm for me, I am in a connected state with him and affection is a really good thing for me.  I’d love to hear how other women and men respond following that incredible moment in time.  I’ve never raised the story in person with any women, maybe that will be a topic for future conversation between me and my close friends.

I love that hubby has recognized and because of that he is offering what he has to give in that area.  Is it perfect? No.  What it is for me is his desire to pursue me and answer my needs with his heart.  Does it happen perfectly every time?  Not a chance.  It is improving with each day as we love one another with our bodies.  I wouldn’t trade hubby and most definitely not the intimacy we have in and out of the bedroom.  So, hubby, thank you for all your effort in loving me well!  I love you dearly.

Narrow

When I saw this on the Daily Post yesterday I knew I had to write on it.  Here is the link to the original post: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/27030/posts/1102992271

Jesus talked about the narrow road, and how few would take it.  And how life could be found if we WOULD take a risk and follow it!  

I feel like Chandra and I are on that road.  How many married couples are committed to having sex?  How many still enjoy it?  How many are using it as a way to heal the broken parts of their marriage?  How many are willing to share their experiences with others along the way?

I’m thinking there are very few, and we have both been obedient to what God asked us to do through TheChallenge. We’ve slipped up along the way, but we aren’t perfect.  We’ve learned ways to fail forward and not give up!  And we have found LIFE.  We wish that for everyone – married, single, old or young! And it comes on the NARROW ROAD.

“Enter through the the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.  For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.” – Matthew 7:13-14

 

Newness of Life and Love

I read the book Power of Praying Wife almost daily, I have pictures of prayers to cover hubby in my phone so I can offer that to him anytime I think of an area I’m hoping for growth.  I’m learning that the only way things might change is if I am asking his Dad to offer that to me and to him.  Looking back at the things that I have asked for, I can see Jesus and I have lots of hope, many prayers have been answered.  I hope that hubby is asking God for the areas of growth he would like to see in me, I may have missed some areas in my asking, lol.

Things are changing rapidly around our home and our office.  Hubby and I work together too, and before your thoughts run rampant, some days it’s great and other’s it stinks.  This time period is especially difficult, I have been out of the office (regularly) since last June.  When I left, sick, our 21-year-old took over at the front end, but I didn’t know what all I did so teaching her was impossible.  I learned my job by trial and error because we had a lady for a long time that didn’t want me to know what she did.  I’m coming back three days a week, for now, and redefining our roles is a challenge.  When I was here before, we didn’t have systems and now we are also adding those in.   Hubby has been in charge of everything at his practice since he purchased it 10+ years ago and has trouble letting go of things there.  Right now, we still have our daughter at the front end, my role is changing to marketing and auto accidents and we have a new management company teaching us.  Hubby likes to get involved in the marketing part (preemptively) and involved in the auto accidents and in pretty much any conversation that he might hear a few words of and want facts or has facts.  It makes it tough for me, I have been in the professional industry many years and have worked in many offices, I don’t do well with micro-management or nosy bosses.  I do very well at any job I take on, but with those type of leader, I don’t do as well.

Hubby hasn’t ever really been a boss or worked a lot in those type environments, so he is learning a lot right now too.  He is learning to be a leader in every capacity and sometimes that is scary, especially if it isn’t something you “feel” all the time and don’t come by naturally. Leadership is something he has done since I met him, with his own example he has led. I recognize that hubby is choosing to grab the horns of leadership and is growing so much, every day.  The path he is choosing requires a lot of courage, confidence, and Christ.  The way we have done things for years isn’t always working for us so we are taking a different approach in our marriage and in our lives.  Hubby is doing such a great job and his courage has shined brightly.  No one likes saying they are wrong about things, that’s why it is so hard to see our own sin.  Facing that sin in honesty, confessing it, repenting of it, and then letting it go so that you focus on what is right takes courage, commitment, and motivation to do the right thing.

I’ve asked God many times to help me to fall in love with my husband again, to unite us in such a way that our love shines in our eyes.  It’s not that I am not in love with hubby, it’s that my love bank is a little low on funds some days and he is getting better every day at making deposits.  I pray I am offering deposits of my own.  (If you would like to learn more about love banks, you can read about them in His Needs, Her Needs.)

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results” James 5:16

 

Seasons of Life

Ever felt like you were in a cruel season of your life?  A season where you know you are growing, you know Jesus has you and yet everyone around you has had their fill?  I am in a season of loss that I am choosing to say is a season of pruning.  In this season, I have lost friends that have grown weary of my growth pace BUT GOD (yes, I love those two words!), He has also brought people back into my life that have known me a long time, grew weary of me, I can be a lot, and have left me.  Some of those women have been gone a long season, have come back into my life, and loved me where I am because they see the growth.  I pray all the loss in this season will be restored before Jesus comes but I know they will when He does.

I have been a handful in this life, I am opinionated, self-righteous, prideful, and somewhat narcissistic.  Wow, I cannot believe I just told the truth about myself.  That was hard to re-read.  Yes, those are just a few of the sins that I have committed over my lifetime that I would take back if I could, I believe that is the restoration of Jesus.  While here, in this world, with all of it’s brokenness and my own brokenness, I am so imperfect. I watched my dad display those traits for many years and I know that I think like he does because of things my mom told me about him.  She told me not to focus on where we were alike, I had a heart that loved and that was key.  I love with a “fierceness” is what my dear friend said to me and that is what I believe is true about me.  I have been heavily wounded along the path, most of it since childhood.  I know that does not excuse my behaviors toward others, I have always known that.  Over the past several years I have watched shows of interactions between real people and have learned that I didn’t have a lot of boundaries and they were non-existent in my home growing up.  They have been non-existent in our home until the past several months.  I’m starting to see the err of my ways in a lot of areas, but gratefully, He doesn’t slam me all at once with all the conviction for everyone.  Believe me, He doesn’t have to, people do that for Him.

I’ve never been known as passive-aggressive, but I look back at my life now and see so many ways that I was and caused a lot of damage in relationships.  I was so afraid of abandonment that I smothered people until they had to leave.  Gratefully, that isn’t who I am today and one of my dear friends, over the past two years, has taught me to honor others boundaries.  My question is this, if you don’t define the boundaries and I cross them, will you leave?  Will you tell me I am too much?  I’m not worth the fight?  We don’t define boundaries with each other and then when our boundaries are crossed, we put up a wall.  John Eldredge and Craig Groeschel have consistently taught that friendships are messy, they are painful at times,they are blessed, they are worth it with those who love the Lord and are seeking Him.  Matt and I both haven’t done friendships well, what we have figured out is that it’s somewhere between how he’s been and I’ve been.

Where we’re blessed is this, we sought God together before marriage and have done so to some degree our entire marriage.  For us, divorce wasn’t an option.  His reasons were his own, mine was because my dad said he would only walk me down the aisle once and I better make it work.  No, that isn’t fully true, actually it probably isn’t true at all.  It was because I felt I had it so much better than my mom and I deeply love my husband.  I don’t think I could ever imagine life without him and truly wouldn’t want to.  I’m praying Jesus comes and we both go together;-)

When I lost today, when my heart was sad, hubby didn’t handle it well.  He didn’t handle my heart well.  I am headed to dinner for us to talk about it and we haven’t spoken since it happened.  He was at the office with our daughter and she explained the girl’s point of view to him.  I’ve prayed, let God hold me, talked with my daughter, and I am ready to get to forgiveness and love so that we can have an incredible night in bed!  These stinking hormone pellets have me horny all the time!  I feel like I am in my 30’s.  Hubby is getting his tomorrow, we are both looking forward to that.  I’m so not perfect but this I can promise to everyone left in my life, God isn’t finished with me yet!

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

Back to Life

This week has been a challenging week physically!  My body isn’t as young as it used to be and I am in Physical Therapy in two areas, I work out at least once a week but my goal is three times.  This week I worked six hours a day three days and had several appointments, tonight I am a bit worn.  I’m trying to ignore the next several days that are ahead and full of living life to the full with our girls, that will be fun and I will end the weekend tired.  It is definitely going to be a good tired, I’m eagerly anticipated the memories we will make this weekend!

Hubby and I have chilled for the evening and are sitting in his den on opposite recliners typing away on our blogs and sharing information we are finding on the internet.  We are listening to worship music and our clanks are funny to hear along with the music.  Oceans Acoustic version by Hillsong United is gently and quietly playing from my phone on the table between us.  I was thinking back to all that has happened this week in our lives and what is upcoming that is going to be pure joy and excitement.  Last weekend was my best friend’s wedding and a beautiful celebration of God’s goodness among the yuck.  This week has been a week of growth and letting go of old beliefs about who hubby is, I realize that I have read him through a lot of things other men in my life have done to me.  That is never his responsibility to carry and only now are we at a place of being willing to look at another’s truth.  Vulnerability, defined as “the quality of being easily hurt or attacked, being open to injury, or appearing as if you are”, is one of the hardest places I’ve allowed myself into, I had to start letting hubby see me for who I am, not the poser that I created to keep the peace or not.  I have to give him an opportunity to hurt me, to say something that he can’t take back and he isn’t perfect, so he doesn’t always get it right.  It has been tough being vulnerable some days, he has all the ammunition to hurt me even more than anyone else, just like I do for him.  I am seeing why so many marriages don’t survive, to decide that you are willing to see someone from the heart of God, regardless of the circumstances is a scary leap and hubby and I have both chosen to offer that.  We are definitely a great fit!

I am watching as I pray for hubby and he prays for me, we are becoming who we are in Christ and allowing each other the space to do so.  I think that may be another reason that God asked us to do TheChallenge, while we are growing and learning in Christ, we certainly don’t want to ignore the relationship that helps us define who God is.  I’ve enjoyed so much about TheChallenge, I sometimes find myself looking forward to end and saying, “I think I am going to miss daily sex”.  It’s a little spot, a little tinge of loss, and I realize that I will always grow in my ability to offer my vulnerability, my beauty, even on days when we don’t physically have sex.  Because of age, I think slowing down a wee bit when we finish TheChallenge won’t be all bad, but today, we still have nearly 80 days left and I am eagerly anticipating all we will learn and explore about each other!

Back in the Zone

I think we’re back in the zone.

For a few weeks there, Satan really had a huge influence on my thoughts, and the result was me feeling unworthy.  I have a great wife who would do just about anything to make me happy and make our marriage better. . . and I couldn’t accept it!  He had me believing that all my mistakes made me unlovable, unacceptable, unvaluable.  (I know about his schemes, but they were still working on me.)

God says just the opposite:  He tells me all through scripture that I am lovable, acceptable, valuable.  I am righteous in Christ. (Romans 3)  I am fearfully and wonderfully made; his precious thoughts of me outnumber the grains of sand. (Psalms 139) I am a son of God and an c0-heir with Christ (Galatians 4) – and so much more!

When a few weeks ago I started speaking God’s truth into my life and DECIDING to believe IT instead of the foul voices in my head, I could finally offer Chandra the love that the Father was offering me.  When I was believing that I was unworthy, I actually had little desire to offer anything to her, much less could I accept any of the love she was offering!

A man with more wisdom than me offered a little direction, and for the last few weeks I have started every morning praying these three verses (personalized for me):

Romans 6:6 – “Jesus, my old self was crucified with you, in order that my body of sin might be done away with, so that I would no longer be a slave to sin.” Romans 12:1 – “I present my body as a living and holy sacrifice to God.”  and Galatians 2:20 – “Jesus, I have been crucified to you; and it is no longer I who live, but you live in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in You, who loved me and gave Yourself up for me.” I ask Jesus to live through me and love my wife, because I don’t do it very good by myself.

And in the last few weeks we have gotten back in the zone – sexually.  By letting Jesus love my wife, through me, He has blessed our sex life and our intimacy, and my frustrations, as well as hers, have been reduced by leaps and bounds.  Pray for me as I continue to let Jesus live in me and through me.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” – John 10:10

Run By the Clock

Over the past few years of illness and no idea what my body will say yes to, I think I’ve gotten lazy.  Not lazy in getting things done, but lazy in being on time.  I get around slower in the morning than I did before last year when I spent 224 in bed.  Basically. Ir really upsets hubby’s day when I am late, anywhere!

I never intend to be late and we have had the same disagreement since I met his dad and he explained the rules.  In hubby’s household, they attended the early service on Sunday morning and they would leave an hour early, in case of car trouble, get to church that early so that they could get their seat toward the back.  Mind you, church was a 20 minute drive.  I learned early on in my relationship with hubby’s parents that being late was an intention of disrespect to them individually.  To that, I have always told hubby that my mom left when it was time to be there, we were always late , and nothing bad ever happened.  I learned to pull up my big girl panties, walk into a room late, and own that I know I am late and it has nothing to do with you!  I seem to always run behind.  I intend to be on time and it never seems to work.  When I went to work with hubby in 2013, I was told that the ony way he trusted me to work with him, only if I would guarantee that I would be there every day and no later than 15 minutes early.  I made that agreement and honored it until we bought our current house and worked day and night and I got sick again.  

Last year’s illness has thrown me for a loop.  I thought the minute I got my tube out everything would be downhill from there and I would bounce back more like I have in the past.  With how much commitment I have to health this time, I assumed that I would be bouncing back and be ready to do life as I did before this last year, seldom late.  I want that so badly.  Hubby isn’t super restrictive, even with our office needs, he wants me to tell him when I commit to be there and then honor that.  I am committed to honoring that.  I will offer him what he needs, we need, to make US thrive and I am offering 10am.  For now.  I pray soon that I can be there by opening and stay until closing, every day that we’ve agreed we need me at the office.  For now, I will ask that our readers ask questions and hold me accountable as well.  I want to honor hubby here and  I will make mind over matter my choice.

Tonight we connected in a way we haven’t in a little bit.  We were against the clock, but we connected eyeball to eyeball.  Heart to heart.  Understanding and grace to understanding and grace.  Hubby and I fit like two souls that were meant to find each other.  I don’t know if that is why, or, we both wanted our spouse to be our best friend, lover, confidant, and sexual outlet, whatever it is, we fit.  We fit in bed, we fit in life, and we fit in love.  I offer hubby forgiveness and my truth, I’m not always right.  He offers me forgiveness and his truth, he’s not always right.  We are finding common ground.  This is intimacy my friends, I love this man and what he stands for and his opinion matters.

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/27030/posts/1097167629

 

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/27030/posts/1097167629

FUN SIDE EFFECTS

I’m sure some of the readers are curious as to my take on the current status of TheChallenge.  I have had a few weeks to mull over where I am, where we are, and now I’m ready to say without a doubt where we are.

Our challenge of 224 days of sex began on February 28, which makes today Day 146.  You know we did not succeed at our original plan of having sex for 224 days in a row.  After much discussion and contemplation I cannot say that we failed, though.  We succeeded in having sex 115 days in a row!  And we have successfully increased our intimacy, our communication, and in many ways the quality of our sex life!  Even though we have missed two or three days of sex along the way, I’m sure we have had sex many more TIMES than the 146 DAYS we have been in this challenge – there are many days we have had sex multiple times!!! (Pretty good for a couple in our mid-40’s, huh?)

After feeling the pressure to “have sex” took all the fun out of it Chandra and I decided that we would just concentrate on the “intimacy” part of it for the remaining days of TheChallenge.  So our goal is 224 days of INCREASING INTIMACY.  And most days, all but three, simply by kissing, holding each other, talking and playing (the FUN part of it) we end up WANTING to make love. . . so we do!  (With a goal of intimacy, the SEX becomes a FUN SIDE EFFECT – why didn’t we think of this before?)

There is a great marriage program by Mark Gungor called “Laugh your Way to a Better Marriage”, and he says that in order to feel like having sex, sometimes you have to have sex!  Just make it fun – make out. . . cuddle naked. . . wear something sexy.  I don’t care just do something to increase the intimacy in your marriage, and I hope you will discover the same thing we have:  God gave us sex because IT’S FUN! And it makes our marriage stronger when we are actively seeking the intimacy it brings.

“. . . my breasts are full – And when my lover sees me, he knows he’ll soon be satisfied.”  Song of Solomon 8:10 (MSG)

 

Leadership and Submission

Don’t leadership and submission go hand in hand?  Don’t women that choose to submit to their husband require a husband that is leading?  What does that look like?  Do we go into marriage with ANY clue what those roles look like?  I can only speak for myself, fully anyway, but I didn’t have a clue that I was even supposed to submit for my life to be fully alive.  I hear stories daily that lead me to believe not many people know what a leader looks like in a home, or what a life-saving counterpart (wife, submissive, Ezer Kenegdo) looks like.  In today’s world, we are so far removed from Adam and Eve we’re broken and messy and pride was in my way when I learned that I was to submit to hubby’s authority in our home.

I can tell you this, with the home I grew up in being so ugly, where verbal abuse and physical abuse was allowed and praised, I wasn’t about to submit to any man when I got married.  Submission, such an ugly word in our society.  Women feel abused by that word and men feel power from it.  What does it really mean and why would God ask us as women to submit if it was such an ugly thing?  I have asked God to define that word for me throughout the past few years.  I am a strong, dominant, God assured woman, so if submission means losing that part of me, why would God have made me that way?  I don’t believe He would ask me to do something that wasn’t good and healthy for me.  I will add to that, I attempt to submit to hubby in little ways every day, but I am most certainly not good at it!

Last week at our counseling session, our counselor asked us what one thing our spouse could do for us this week that would help with the healing.  I came up with hubby offering one thing a day that he appreciates about me or what I offer to our home and family.  Hubby asked me to pray with him each time, before I offered anything that I wanted him to improve on or take to God himself.  I failed miserably!  I completely forgot that was what he asked for, I thought he asked me to not use the words “should” or “need to” when asking him for something that I want improvement in.  I knew I had done that a couple of times and even caught myself, but I completely forgot about praying.  Hubby made strides with my request, he texted me three days in a row during the two weeks, and he said at least two things to my face.  Hubby wins for sure.  However, neither one of us succeeded completely and that is okay, we made effort and recognized areas for growth.

Hubby and I are living in peace today, we are communicating and hearing each other.  His leadership skills improve daily as he seeks God and His will in life.  He commits his first fruits to God each day and that is what I ask of a leader.  He has led by example in our lives for 26 years, that alone is worth my respect and my submission.  I know I will get better at it as I trust God to develop me into a Proverbs 31 wife as I have asked of Him.  I’m excited to watch as God is showing up and showing off in our home and lives as I submit and hubby leads.  He has worked miracles in me and in hubby when we said YES to daily sex and ONENESS with each other and Him.  Keep watching and see where God gets the glory for all the great things He has done!

By the way, last night’s intimacy, it was awesome! Thanks hubby😘❤️!