What I Have Learned

Being married is hard.  And attempting a challenge like Chandra and I just finished made it even harder! But nothing worth doing is ever easy.  We attacked TheChallenge head-on, and after 224 days of discovering what works for us, and what doesn’t, we emerged on the other side victorious – and stronger.  

Jesus said, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate,” (Matthew 19:6). Our goal is to see more marriages survive the hard times – that was our purpose in sharing this journey with others.  If Chandra and I, two flawed 40-somethings who have been married 25 years, can complete a 224-day sex challenge, I often wonder what can God could have done if we had discovered this earlier?

Little did I know that pressing into God and pressing into my marriage through sex would bring up issues that were long overdue:

I had a habit of sweeping stuff under the rug and not dealing with it.  That doesn’t work during a challenge that requires INTIMACY and SEXUAL HEALING before bed EVERY NIGHT!

My wife also enjoys sex. . . a lot. . . so there was not ALWAYS a lot of romancing required of me, and that eventually led to Chandra feeling like I took her for granted.  I had to take responsibility for at least an occasional seduction, and make sure she ALWAYS knew how much I adored her body and making love to her – and even spending time with her.

And here is a biggie:  my wife’s top love language is affirmation. . . and I am terrible at giving her affirmation that she needs.  I’m getting better, but I am far from good at it.  I want my wife to know how much I appreciate and love her, and the best way for me to do that is to TELL HER – MANY TIMES A DAY.

I know that TheChallenge has made me a better man, a better husband, and brought me closer to my God.  And both of us are looking forward to this next season in our life.  We will be continuing this blog to share how God blesses our marriage through SEX.

Readers, if you are curious, we encourage you to ask us anything!  We are not ashamed!

He answered, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.” (Matthew 19:4-6 MSG)

“The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.” (Genesis 2:25 MSG)





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