Birthdays and Common Languages

This past week was hubby’s birthday, he turned 46. This year was a celebration unlike the past few years and for that, I am grateful! In 2015, I was so sick with my stones and pancreas that I didn’t feel like celebrating anything. Then in 2016, during TheChallenge, we were dealing with so many unresolved conflicts, I didn’t much feel like celebrating him. This year, we are making new memories and celebrating each step of the way is bringing back our joy as a couple. That being said, Hubby is out enjoying his afternoon off with the other Matt Ford, as we call him, playing golf and finding his own joy again too!

 
Life is so interesting, one day things are magical and the next you wonder why you’re even here, it’s a constant roller coaster. I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, or if it is just me, but the story I am living out is so different than the one I thought I would live. Today is a magical day for me, things seem to be lining up to the dreams I had for my life but I am fully aware of the curve balls that will be thrown out that I will somehow navigate tomorrow. Today, though, I am going to sit in the magical. Monday was his actual birthday and though I threw a party for him on Saturday night, I still wanted to make his day special as well. This year I wanted to make up for the last two years when I, as Gifts being one of my love languages, didn’t do much for Hubby at all. I put together an all day gift giving idea. He isn’t too excited about gifts for himself and I was in a place of deep hurt last year, so I reasoned that he didn’t care anyway so why try. The idea this year was a little corny, but I hope he saw it as a gesture of love. I planned a cake to take to the office as well, but I had so much help to make him feel special by our staff, my little cake didn’t stand out. When I got to work an hour after Hubby and our staff, I discovered that our staff wanted to celebrate him too! They had decorated the office and bought him a cake because they wanted our patients to celebrate him as well. It really was a special day!

 
This week, I’ve attempted to let him have time to do fun things and interestingly, his fun things make my life better. Something I learned about Hubby in the last year is that completing tasks is a good thing for him. During his birthday weekend, I decided we would complete tasks that had been weighing on him for some time and he loved it! Isn’t that funny? I think the tasks getting checked off was more exciting to him than the party and gifts, although he loves getting together with his friends too. I’m working to understand him more instead of trying to please him with the things that please me. Love languages are tricky sometimes and it takes a lot of effort to offer a language that isn’t personal to me. After 26 years of marriage, I didn’t realize how much better he feels when he spends time with me completing things that need to get done, but I’d say I am rather blessed by it.

 
When we get married their are five love languages that are common to humans and as spouses, they may match each other which makes it a bit easier, or they may take effort to learn each other’s because they seem foreign. Hubby’s first love language for many years was touch, affectionate hand holding or knee touching consistently was what he longed for. I was completely shut down to that love language for many years but I am grateful to say today that I offer that to him consistently. The other language that we have is words. How do we take two people from this world, raised in completely different environments, and create a common language? That one is even more tricky than love languages.

 
I am taken back to the beginning of our relationship when I went to eat lunch one day with his family. His mom invited me to dinner. In my home, dinner was served some time after 5pm, unlike his family where dinner was served around the noon hour. We ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner, his family ate breakfast, dinner, and supper. So, where is the common language that we assume all Americans, or at least Bible belt Americans, share? There isn’t one. We go into marriage and take our own family’s language into each and every area, and much of the time (if not all), there is a period of adjustment where we learn one another’s language so that we all meet together at the same time for the meal we will share.

 
I hadn’t really put a lot of thought into creating that language that is all our own. The same word can mean something completely different to two different people and I no one taught us about learning a common language. All these years, we’ve failed at our attempts to understand one another and I see how creating a common language year’s ago would have been helpful. For instance, what does rest look like in your home? Is it watching television, going for a walk, playing video games, reading? Right now, Hubby and I are in the midst of defining what rest is in our home as a couple. Even though we have lived together for more than 26 years now, it is so strange to me that we don’t really know the other’s definition for rest, and so, we are defining it. We are creating a common language.

 
I see this in the Church, this lack of a common language. I think many of the conflicts within the religious communities are rooted in the same ideas, only because of our lack of communication in a common language, discourse arises. The same rings true in marriage and as I’m learning to love Hubby well, we have to create our own common language for both of us to find joy in life. It is a process, life is just that, a process. We are learning a common language and joy is returning to our home and I cannot praise Jesus enough. Hubby is one of those men that seeks after the heart of God consistently so I am a blessed woman, because I know that I cannot fill the role of our Dad in his life any more than he can in mine. The only way to the center of true love is by letting God fill that role and us simply loving each other for who we were created to be in Christ. To get to the kind of love we were desiring from the beginning, we have now set ourselves on a journey of creating a common language. I pray that as God brings other couples into our lives, we can share this discovery and hopefully assist them in that process with our story.

 
I’m excited for all that God is doing in our home this year and I am grateful we stuck to TheChallenge last year, some days it seemed that was the only thread that was keeping us in the battle to win in our marriage. God has a plan in everything and He doesn’t waste a tear so I know it was a gift. Have a blessed weekend!

21 thoughts on “Birthdays and Common Languages

    • drmattsgirl September 6, 2018 / 1:10 pm

      I really enjoy learning about the festivals and Jewish culture. Thanks for sharing!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Equipping September 6, 2018 / 1:15 pm

        Continued. There is too much to learn about the significance of the festivals to not have such studies. Unfortunately, much of the church omits such studies from sermons and lessons.

        Liked by 1 person

      • drmattsgirl September 6, 2018 / 1:22 pm

        I think it’s because we aren’t bound by the laws so I like that most churches focus on grace and mercy. We can never fulfill the “law” in today’s tome. So I am interested in it bc of the heart of God. That never changes. But Jesus, oh sweet Jesus, He made a way right?!?! That’s the beauty of so many churches to choose from, if learning the history is your thing, you can find one that caters. Ya know? What denomination are you?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Equipping September 6, 2018 / 1:37 pm

        Christ fulfilled the law. It is important for all Jews and believers in Christ to know that. That significance important. If there had been no law for Christ to fulfill, then it would be like a disgruntled Jew, along with 12 other disgruntled Jews (with their sympathizers) decided to “start their own religion,’ which would have had no credibility. As I have said in this post, and in the two other ones, the church is not bound by any aspect of the law. There is, however, prophecy that relates to the end times and the place of Israel in the end times. The teaching of the prophecies of Christ, Israel and the end times are key to understanding God’s plan for the ages. I have found that such groups as, “Calvary Chapel,” and “Bible Churches,” are more aggressive in those studies. Baptist types have similar teachings, but I have not found them to be as far reaching in the end times studies. I grew up in a Baptist church, but it does not reflect my understanding of scripture. I am deep in study of God’s Word each day. I use the teachings of highly respected Bible teachers such as John Walvoord, Charles Ryrie, David Jeremiah, Merrill, and others. You can check my pages on Sources of Information and Library to see many of my sources.

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      • drmattsgirl September 6, 2018 / 1:57 pm

        I love it! That’s really awesome and beautifully, bc of people like you, I get to read the cliff notes. I’m in the Word daily but not in that direction. God uses each of us for different means in His world, I’m glad you found me so I could find you. God works in mysterious ways! Have a blessed day!♥️

        Liked by 1 person

      • Equipping September 6, 2018 / 1:59 pm

        Thanks for your kind words. I had a pastor friend, Christian Church, who taught the value of Acts 17:11, “be a Berean.” That is probably the closes tag that I would allow to be attached to me. Please have a good day.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Equipping September 6, 2018 / 2:07 pm

        Thank you. I am going to give you some other ideas that relate to Acts 17:11.

        Liked by 1 person

      • drmattsgirl September 6, 2018 / 2:16 pm

        I just realized that you are on our old blog not my new one that’s just me. Mine is called As Beauty Unfolds.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Equipping September 6, 2018 / 2:35 pm

        Having sensed that you are of a Berean mind set, I want to take enough time to put together verses that will draw out the word “scripture,” and show “God’s inspiration” in relating-verses. I love doing this.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Equipping September 6, 2018 / 6:13 pm

        Ephesians 4:11 Lexicon
        ◄ Ephesians 4:11 ►
        NASB Lexicon
        NASB © Greek Strong’s Origin
        And He gave ἔδωκεν
        (edōken) 1325: to give (in various senses lit. or fig.) redupl. from the root do-
        some τοὺς
        (tous) 3588: the the def. art.
        [as] apostles, ἀπόστολους
        (apostolous) 652: a messenger, one sent on a mission, an apostle from apostelló
        and some τοὺς
        (tous) 3588: the the def. art.
        [as] prophets, προφήτας
        (prophētas) 4396: a prophet (an interpreter or forth-teller of the divine will) from a comp. of pro and phémi
        and some τοὺς
        (tous) 3588: the the def. art.
        [as] evangelists, εὐαγγελιστάς
        (euangelistas) 2099: an evangelist, a bringer of good news from euaggelizó
        and some τοὺς
        (tous) 3588: the the def. art.
        [as] pastors ποιμένας
        (poimenas) 4166: a shepherd of uncertain origin
        and teachers, διδασκάλους
        (didaskalous) 1320: an instructor from didaskó

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Equipping September 6, 2018 / 6:14 pm

    This may be easier to read, Eph 4:11 Lexicon
    ◄ Ephesians 4:11 ►
    NASB Lexicon
    NASB © Greek Strong’s Origin
    And He gave ἔδωκεν
    (edōken) 1325: to give (in various senses lit. or fig.) redupl. from the root do-
    some τοὺς
    (tous) 3588: the the def. art.
    [as] apostles, ἀπόστολους
    (apostolous) 652: a messenger, one sent on a mission, an apostle from apostelló
    and some τοὺς
    (tous) 3588: the the def. art.
    [as] prophets, προφήτας
    (prophētas) 4396: a prophet (an interpreter or forth-teller of the divine will) from a comp. of pro and phémi
    and some τοὺς
    (tous) 3588: the the def. art.
    [as] evangelists, εὐαγγελιστάς
    (euangelistas) 2099: an evangelist, a bringer of good news from euaggelizó
    and some τοὺς
    (tous) 3588: the the def. art.
    [as] pastors ποιμένας
    (poimenas) 4166: a shepherd of uncertain origin
    and teachers, διδασκάλους
    (didaskalous) 1320: an instructor from didaskó

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Equipping September 6, 2018 / 7:26 pm

    Thank you. There is a lot to read, but, it will be well worth the time..

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Equipping September 8, 2018 / 12:44 pm

    There is something that I did not “strongly” point out enough in the discussion of Ephesians 4:11 (for the purposes of Eph 4:12). That point is that there is no expiration date on those giftings of spiritual leadership. Even today, there are people in the world that have never heard or seen a Bible or missionary. or heard the message of Christ and Him crucified (1 Cor 2:2). God loves today’s people as much as he has loved anyone else, from any other time in created history.

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  4. Equipping September 8, 2018 / 12:49 pm

    Please excuse me for having to make this correction to my above statement.

    There is something that I did not “strongly” point out enough in the discussion of Ephesians 4:11 (for the purposes of Eph 4:12). That point is that there is no expiration date on those giftings of spiritual leadership. Even today, there are people in the world that have never heard a missionary, or seen a Bible, or heard the message of Christ and Him crucified (1 Cor 2:2). God loves today’s people as much as he has loved anyone else, from any other time in created history.

    Like

  5. drmattsgirl September 8, 2018 / 1:47 pm

    Thank you. Enjoy your weekend. Spend time with family!

    Like

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