This morning, after an incredible night of sex, we had our Tuesday morning cuddle time. This is what our life looks like, Tuesday and Sunday mornings, at least this summer, we spend time with each other and God on those mornings. Some days it is hubby going to his den for time with God while I hang out in bed and do the same, coming back together to love on one another until around 11am. Yes, we are blessed with that time and we take advantage of it! I thought last night’s sex might lead into even better this morning and yet, we went down a different path today. We got to disagreement. In our recent path, that would have played out in a day full of arguing and hurt feelings, offense, that we didn’t believe the same thing about God as the other.
Today, it played out in genuine love and respect and dignity. That is what we are seeking in this world, peace. We don’t always agree on what the bible says, many times this morning, hubby said “prove it”. I have learned through a specific experience with my dad and hubby that leads me to believe this, “it is not my responsibility to make you believe that Dad, our Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer, and the True End of All Things, including my life, wants to give us ALL good things while we are here on earth”. That is God’s responsibility if He wants you to know that, you only have to ask Him and then believe what His Spirit tells you. I told hubby that I don’t buy into the different “beliefs” like Prosperity Gospel, I don’t even really know what they say. I also don’t believe the way my earthly dad does either, that God “makes us sin” to grow us up, that is justification of sin at it’s finest. He says he is Calvinistic in his beliefs but that stretches even Calvin and his truth. Humorously, hubby has pulled the same Scriptures to prove my dad to be wrong, as my dad has to prove himself correct, tell me how that works? We see things differently, many times as the world has taught us, until we are at peace with what we believe. That is a peace that surpasses my understanding for certain. I believe in what the Holy Spirit himself has revealed to me through Scripture and testing of spirits. I don’t need to fall into a category of people who all are like-minded in doctrine, I need to believe what Daddy says is true for me. If we don’t agree right now on things the Bible says, I believe we will become like-minded. And, because mine is a gentle knowing with peace accompanying it, I believe mine is closer…today.
God reveals places in us at different times, at different paces. Pressing in, that is a choice. Hubby says that I had undistracted years at home to learn more about God and press in. While there is some physical truth to that, I was home, alone, with God, a lot. However, he has difficulty putting himself into my shoes thus far, I was home but I was also in A LOT of pain and pain distracts truth because it doesn’t line up with the Word. Also, it hurts physic ally and mentally, I began to question if God truly loves me, depression. That is where a lot of depression begins, in the turmoil of pain. So, I wasn’t exactly undistracted, it was more like I was ALWAYS distracted but in the chaos, I found peace. It took effort and choices that weren’t typical, but it was worth it. I never gave up my time first thing in the morning with God, even if I didn’t pick Him the rest of the day.
Recently, we have been arguing, more than is healthy. Our counselor said that it is our job in Christ, to seek peace at all cost. I will add that hubby and I are both wanting and seeking that. We have a hard time, on occasion, hearing the other person’s point of view and taking it to God to confirm or dismiss. Hubby struggles with this a bit more than I do today, he is in a different place in his walk. We know that God has each of us and I know that God is leading both of us into all truth, so peace is what I will seek. When hubby left to work out, (we typically do this together – today too, unfortunately I am running a fever and need rest more than work out, so I’ll go tonight if my body allows, God willing), I began talking to God. One of the coolest things hubby said this morning was, “you just need to keep praying for me”. I’ll take that challenge! There is nothing I want to do more than to ask God for us to be like-minded, because that is ultimate peace in our home. I will ask God to help me see scripture how hubby does so that if it is right, I will know truth too. I am seeking ultimate truth, even when I don’t “like” it.
Here is how the enemy sneaked in this morning, I didn’t get to prayer. I pray a Daily Prayer adapted by John Eldredge at Ransomed Heart Ministries, each morning and another Bedtime Prayer at night. The prayer destroys all that is raised against me and sets me up in the authority that Christ has given me, on this earth. It armors me up with truth, righteousness, peace of the good news, truth about my salvation, I take up the shield of my faith in God and Jesus and carry with me the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. It sends all foul and unclean spirits away from me and my home and household (even my children), as it re-establishes me with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I hadn’t gotten to prayer before we began a conversation about God and all of the voices of lies were spiraling. When I recognized the truth, I stopped and prayed. Humorously, I pray with theatrics because I believe every word that I say and it comes from my heart. Hubby got choked up this morning as he prayed with me and watched my truth come out. He questioned the genuineness of my display, that is okay, for him, he said it’s too much. Truth be told, he sees my heart and always has. He told me not to long ago something I will cherish for the rest of my days, he said, “I don’t know any other woman who loves Jesus like you do”, thank you hubby. That was a gift to hear from your mouth to God’s ears and mine, I do love Jesus and I love you.
Tonight we will complete the challenge. When we went to bed last our plan was intimacy, holding each other, talking, making out, but not sex because of my health. When we got intimate, it led to really good, hot, sex. Funny how intimacy works, the more I reveal myself to hubby, the more he reveals himself to me. Then, that ultimate act of generosity and love, sex, is uncontrollable and last night was no exception. Thank you for our love-making last night hubby, I look forward to tonight!
Just the Three of Us 